Hashgacha Pratis, or Divine Providence, refers to G-d's supervision and governance of every action and aspect of the world in which we live. Here is an example. I'll try to post them as I see them-- I'd love to hear yours!
Right before lunch, I was invited to a business call at 2 pm. I'm working from home, and I went upstairs to eat a late lunch while doing a brief bit of non-business work on my home computer. One of my mother's friends sent me a link to this really great Rosh Hashanah song:
I got caught up in listening to it, and then I wanted to listen to all their songs, because one of the things I've been thinking about lately is how much I enjoy music, but I'd really like to have more Jewish pop music to listen to-- if I'm going to goof off, at least it can have some sort of a purpose. After I'd watched all The Ein Prat Fountainheads videos, and revisited Candlelight by The Maccabeats, and Ya'alili by 8th Day, I gasped-- it was 2:10 and I was late for the call!! I ran downstairs to make the call, and found an email by my colleague telling me he'd had to reschedule the call until Thursday morning. I didn't miss a thing!! I have to wonder if the same thing would have happened had I not been pursuing something that was elevating to my soul, as well as my body. Baruch Hashem (blessed is G-d)!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
One of Those Rare Days
Today we put up kosher mezuzot on all our doorways (all 17 of them!!)!! We threw a party and our friends hung out and noshed, FFB (Frum from Birth) and kiruv families and people at all different points on our path, as we sanctified our home and protected everyone within its walls with our filfillment of this mitzvah. I think, in some still quiet moments, that I can actually feel the extra holiness, and it spills out through my eyes as tears. I have no idea what my husband is thinking as he's sitting beside me watching television. I'm guessing he 1) is wondering if I've lost it or 2) knows I've lost it and is no longer surprised by that and loves me anyway!
It is such an amazing feeling - I think I remember feeling this way the first time I recited the blessing of taking challah in my own kitchen. I pray that as I continue to work on my connection to G-d I will feel liks this more and more.
Thank you to every one of my teachers and friends, wherever you are on this path. I hope that when Moshiach comes and you get an accounting of your deeds, you will get to see the part you have played in all my growth.
Bohemiandoc
It is such an amazing feeling - I think I remember feeling this way the first time I recited the blessing of taking challah in my own kitchen. I pray that as I continue to work on my connection to G-d I will feel liks this more and more.
Thank you to every one of my teachers and friends, wherever you are on this path. I hope that when Moshiach comes and you get an accounting of your deeds, you will get to see the part you have played in all my growth.
Bohemiandoc
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thanks for sharing....not so much
I struggle sometimes with how much to share on this blog. I think about living with tzniut (the Hebrew word is pronounced tznee-yoot', in the Yiddish it's tznius, or tznee'- us)- often incompletely translated as modesty, it's not just about the way you dress, but the way you conduct yourself in every area of life. It's about not "letting it all hang out" in every way- physically, verbally, emotionally. When you live in the secular world, you're bombarded with so much over the top data that there is a slang anagram for it- "TMI!" standing for "too much information!" Rarely does someone apologize for saying too much, instead, they are proud of "saying it like it is!"
Being an extrovert and an external processor (one who gains energy from hanging out with people, talking about things, processing information out loud), it is the non-dress-code aspect of tzniut that gives me the most trouble. How to speak modestly. It's not just speaking with humility, like not bragging about a raise or what your child did that morning. It's about not sharing every sordid (and maybe not sordid, just personal) detail of your life with others.
When I am struggling with an issue, my first impulse is to verbalize it, call a friend or write an email or a blog post. The problem comes in when there is another person involved-- and really, even when it's something in my head, there's always someone else involved. The closer they are to me the more I feel responsible for not embarrassing them by sharing too much.
It's a fine line to walk- telling your story to get the support or help or guidance you need, while not telling someone else's story at the same time.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Just be happy
In a nod to actually becoming my parents, my husband and I have developed the habit of watching CBS News Sunday Morning. It's a dependable topic of conversation between me and my Dad, and I take comfort in my conviction that I'm still not old enough to watch Face the Nation.
Today CBSNSM is running a piece on Jimmy Fallon. I have to admit something- I really only like watching celebrity interviews if the person turns out to be nice, a regular Joe or Jane, relatively egoless and cognizant of both the amazing life they have and how lucky they are to have it. Jimmy Fallon seems to be this sort of fella. I always like watching SNL at the moments that he starts to crack up, laughing despite the cameras and the audience (it reminds me of old Carol Burnett shows, and how much I loved watching them make one another laugh). When watching his show, I always seem to detect a whiff of a kid on a surprise trip to Disneyland, who can't believe he gets to do what he's doing. Watching the story, I think how happy he seems, right as Russ Mitchell comments, "He seems thrilled to be doing whatever he is doing." I agree, he just seems humble and happy, and slightly mystified at his success.
You might think "Well, it's easy to always be happy if you're rich and famous!" I think that money and fame have absolutely nothing to do with it. Neither does a job, or a spouse, or even a child. We've all seen the rich and powerful fall mightily, and those laid low by natural disaster positively glow with the ecstasy of being alive. We've seen people that have whatever it is we are seeking yet still have no joy . Here's the secret--- I think it's easy to be happy if I commit to just being happy. If I'm always looking to be happy "when" or "if" ("...we open a cheese shop...," "...we get pregnant..," "...I get that spare bedroom finally cleaned out..."), I know I'll never get there By then I'll have moved on to the next step, the next "when," the next "if". If I can look around and think, like Jimmy Fallon, "Wow, I don't believe I get to do what I'm doing!" then I'm more than halfway there (although unlike Jimmy Fallon, I'm not at all mystified by who my blessings come from- they come from G-d and I always want to remember it). Sometimes "what I'm doing" is as big as traveling to Israel or getting married (or else it may be moving into the home of your dreams, or getting a promotion, or buying that car you've dreamed of and worked for since you were 16). Sometimes it's as taken-for-granted as breathing or walking, or the smile on a baby's face when they see you (note I don't say "as small as", because there's nothing so small that it doesn't need to be celebrated as a gift).
In Pirkei Avot (Ethic of the Fathers), Ben Zoma says, "Who is rich? The one who is appreciates what he has." I just try to remember, whether it's a dinner at a new restaurant with my husband, or a flight to Greensboro and back in the same day, that I'm lucky to be doing whatever I'm doing. I want to feel like that kid at Disneyland. I'm committed to being happy, not "when" or "if", but now.
BD
Today CBSNSM is running a piece on Jimmy Fallon. I have to admit something- I really only like watching celebrity interviews if the person turns out to be nice, a regular Joe or Jane, relatively egoless and cognizant of both the amazing life they have and how lucky they are to have it. Jimmy Fallon seems to be this sort of fella. I always like watching SNL at the moments that he starts to crack up, laughing despite the cameras and the audience (it reminds me of old Carol Burnett shows, and how much I loved watching them make one another laugh). When watching his show, I always seem to detect a whiff of a kid on a surprise trip to Disneyland, who can't believe he gets to do what he's doing. Watching the story, I think how happy he seems, right as Russ Mitchell comments, "He seems thrilled to be doing whatever he is doing." I agree, he just seems humble and happy, and slightly mystified at his success.
You might think "Well, it's easy to always be happy if you're rich and famous!" I think that money and fame have absolutely nothing to do with it. Neither does a job, or a spouse, or even a child. We've all seen the rich and powerful fall mightily, and those laid low by natural disaster positively glow with the ecstasy of being alive. We've seen people that have whatever it is we are seeking yet still have no joy . Here's the secret--- I think it's easy to be happy if I commit to just being happy. If I'm always looking to be happy "when" or "if" ("...we open a cheese shop...," "...we get pregnant..," "...I get that spare bedroom finally cleaned out..."), I know I'll never get there By then I'll have moved on to the next step, the next "when," the next "if". If I can look around and think, like Jimmy Fallon, "Wow, I don't believe I get to do what I'm doing!" then I'm more than halfway there (although unlike Jimmy Fallon, I'm not at all mystified by who my blessings come from- they come from G-d and I always want to remember it). Sometimes "what I'm doing" is as big as traveling to Israel or getting married (or else it may be moving into the home of your dreams, or getting a promotion, or buying that car you've dreamed of and worked for since you were 16). Sometimes it's as taken-for-granted as breathing or walking, or the smile on a baby's face when they see you (note I don't say "as small as", because there's nothing so small that it doesn't need to be celebrated as a gift).
In Pirkei Avot (Ethic of the Fathers), Ben Zoma says, "Who is rich? The one who is appreciates what he has." I just try to remember, whether it's a dinner at a new restaurant with my husband, or a flight to Greensboro and back in the same day, that I'm lucky to be doing whatever I'm doing. I want to feel like that kid at Disneyland. I'm committed to being happy, not "when" or "if", but now.
BD
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving
We were blessed to have my husband's entire immediate family at our home for Thanksgiving. Those of us who were so moved said what we were grateful for, but I always feel at those moments that whatever I say comes out trite- you know, "I am thankful we are all here together."
Well, that was pretty much what I said, but at that moment I didn't feel so trite. My mother in law has had a very difficult year health-wise, and I truly am grateful for the gift of having her with us. To get my husband's entire family in the same house at the same time requires skills rivaled by those in charge of corralling shoppers on Black Friday at the Mall of America, so another thing to be grateful for. I just returned safely from a glorious three weeks in Israel (half of which were spent with the JWRP Transform and Grow trip and half with Cheese Guy and a spectacular cast of characters including family and friends). And those are the big things. To even get started on the little things would take forever.
But I guess that's the point, isn't it? Take forever and be grateful for the little things. You'll never run out of things to be thankful for once you start thinking small.
1. that Julia Child is finally getting recognition from an entirely new generation of young adults (I'm sitting on the couch watching old "Julia Child with Master Chefs" with Cheese Guy).
2. That I don't have to worry about how to stay warm when it's 26 degrees outside.
3. That I don't have to shop at any stores on Black Friday because I can't afford to buy presents otherwise (not that that's why all people shop on Black Friday, obviously, but that's the only reason I could ever be dragged out on such a day).
BD
Well, that was pretty much what I said, but at that moment I didn't feel so trite. My mother in law has had a very difficult year health-wise, and I truly am grateful for the gift of having her with us. To get my husband's entire family in the same house at the same time requires skills rivaled by those in charge of corralling shoppers on Black Friday at the Mall of America, so another thing to be grateful for. I just returned safely from a glorious three weeks in Israel (half of which were spent with the JWRP Transform and Grow trip and half with Cheese Guy and a spectacular cast of characters including family and friends). And those are the big things. To even get started on the little things would take forever.
But I guess that's the point, isn't it? Take forever and be grateful for the little things. You'll never run out of things to be thankful for once you start thinking small.
1. that Julia Child is finally getting recognition from an entirely new generation of young adults (I'm sitting on the couch watching old "Julia Child with Master Chefs" with Cheese Guy).
2. That I don't have to worry about how to stay warm when it's 26 degrees outside.
3. That I don't have to shop at any stores on Black Friday because I can't afford to buy presents otherwise (not that that's why all people shop on Black Friday, obviously, but that's the only reason I could ever be dragged out on such a day).
BD
Friday, November 19, 2010
First Shabbos back home
Jet lag can be crazy, but it certainly lets you get an early start on the day. Here it is before 10 am, and I have challah ready to go into the oven (final proof going on as we speak, so to speak). This morning was a powerful experience. I made a commitment one of the first days in Israel with the JWRP that I would take on the mitzvah of challah (thanks again, Sara Simpser, for all your assistance in Tsfat that led up to my taking on this mitzvah. I pray for your success in all your endeavors as a merit for the mitzvah you performed that day). G-d helped me to arrange it so that I have had the opportunity to make challah every week since then.
This week was the first one on my own. Let me tell you, it was spectacular.
When I recited the paragraph after saying the bracha, I felt this charge go through me. Usually I struggle in the Hebrew, because I don't really knonw what the words mean, but I can read the Hebrew so I do After this week, I am sticking to the English words. I felt every one of them as they came out of my mouth. Until I can feel the Hebrew words as fully as I can feel the English, I will always say the English words as well. Many people have told me that G-d speaks all languages, and I thought I knew that, but this felt like the first time that I prayed someone else's words with my whole heart.
I have a feeling this week's challah will taste special.
BD
This week was the first one on my own. Let me tell you, it was spectacular.
When I recited the paragraph after saying the bracha, I felt this charge go through me. Usually I struggle in the Hebrew, because I don't really knonw what the words mean, but I can read the Hebrew so I do After this week, I am sticking to the English words. I felt every one of them as they came out of my mouth. Until I can feel the Hebrew words as fully as I can feel the English, I will always say the English words as well. Many people have told me that G-d speaks all languages, and I thought I knew that, but this felt like the first time that I prayed someone else's words with my whole heart.
I have a feeling this week's challah will taste special.
BD
Monday, November 15, 2010
Eilat
We drove from Petah Tikva to Eilat today, stopping off at Mitzpe Ramon, the largest crater in the Negev desert- Israel's version of the Grand Canyon. It was stunning. Unfortunately, the Visitor's Center was closed, so we didn't get the "full experience."
I saw plenty- much closer than my uncomfortable-with-open-heights husband would have liked, but when faced with an incredible view of a huge canyon, what's a girl to do??
Dinner tonight was a delicious grilled Labrak (a type of sea bass), while Patch had the grouper. Both caught fresh locally that day.
If my mother could see me eating whole fish, her eyes would pop out. I have incredibly vivid memories of her reaction to passing by whole fish at a market, screaming, "They're looking at me!!!"
Tomorrow, a lazy day in Eilat.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Uff-Da, Israeli style
It's been a wonderful yet exhausting time in Petah Tikva. Last night we stayed up late talking with my cousin Aviyam (who will eternally be Yami to me, much to his chagrin I am sure) and his girlfriend Ifat. Fun time, but didn't get to sleep until midnight. I thought it was going to be an easy day with my other cousin Galit and her family. A "nature walk" in the Kelah-Gallim nature reserve, then a late lunch at a restaurant in Haifa. Sounds lovely, right? It certainly started out that way. Weather was lovely. The walk was in the valley, down hill mostly. That was what began to give me a weird feeling... if you go down, you have to go up! The walk ended up taking about five hours, and the last 25 % was brutal. I can't even come up with a word that seems appropriate for how punishing it was- "torturous" even minimizes the experience. There were times when I thought literally I couldn't go on. Rock climbing (both up and down, although the down parts weren't so bad), heat, sun, twisted ankles and knees, and muscles that had never seen activity like this, all combined to leave me praying (literally!) that I didn't end up like one of those marathoners that collapses and soils themselves, completely unable to go on.
Looking back at the trail, I'm pretty sure we walked the entire valley!
This look of glee on my face is because I don't have to move my legs for at leat twenty minutes. My cousin's husband went to get our car and drive it back to us.
Afterwards we went to dinner at Douzan, an Arab restaurant in Haifa. I immediately ordered a coffee, because I thought I was gonna pass out in my fattoush (that's a salad with toasted pita for you with the funny minds). Food has rarely tasted this good- maybe because I was so glad I didn't have to be airlifted out of the valley.
We drove back amid the classic Saturday night Israeli traffic, and because we were SO late we didn't even get a chance to shower before we went to Yaffa's house. Yaffa is my uncle Ilan's sister, so even though we're only related by marriage, I see her every time I come to Israel (well, we missed her last time, and I really regret it). So I haven't seen her in about twenty years, and the first thing she says to me upon opening the door, is how much I look like my mother. Wow, right to the heart, that one.
It was a wonderful visit. A great ending to a really hard day. The only pain that remained was the one in my right ankle- it's remarkable how emotional high can heal physical low.
BD
Looking back at the trail, I'm pretty sure we walked the entire valley!
This look of glee on my face is because I don't have to move my legs for at leat twenty minutes. My cousin's husband went to get our car and drive it back to us.
Afterwards we went to dinner at Douzan, an Arab restaurant in Haifa. I immediately ordered a coffee, because I thought I was gonna pass out in my fattoush (that's a salad with toasted pita for you with the funny minds). Food has rarely tasted this good- maybe because I was so glad I didn't have to be airlifted out of the valley.
We drove back amid the classic Saturday night Israeli traffic, and because we were SO late we didn't even get a chance to shower before we went to Yaffa's house. Yaffa is my uncle Ilan's sister, so even though we're only related by marriage, I see her every time I come to Israel (well, we missed her last time, and I really regret it). So I haven't seen her in about twenty years, and the first thing she says to me upon opening the door, is how much I look like my mother. Wow, right to the heart, that one.
It was a wonderful visit. A great ending to a really hard day. The only pain that remained was the one in my right ankle- it's remarkable how emotional high can heal physical low.
BD
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Whew!
Two nights ago I sent all my Minnesota women home and met the Cheese Guy at the airport. Happy happy joy joy-- he was not detained or bothered in the least. The only thing that did happen was an electrical malfunction that led to a two hour delay (hopefully he'll get some FF miles out of them for the trouble). It was so wonderful to see him again. My uncle Ilan and the two of us stayed up talking until about midnight- it was a good night's sleep even with a cup of late-night coffee in me.
Yesterday we drove up to Yavne'el, in the north, near Tiberias. My rebbitzen's parents have a place here that has three rental apartments, called tzimmers in Hebrew. We're staying in a lovely one-bedroom that has a great kitchenette, nice bathroom, a sitting room, besides the jacuzzi in the bedroom. We had a drink up on their patio with a stunning view of the Galilee and then had a wonderful dinner with them. It was so unbelievably relaxing, which I really needed after all the go-go-go of the JWRP trip.
This morning I woke up early and had breakfast with Chana before Patch woke up- I was actually in the middle of making challah when he walked in. I am so happy I had a chance to make challah this week. Coming up soon I will blog more about why- but I don't have time right now to explain.
Today we went to the Kfar Tavor winery- honestly, their 2009 Shiraz is the best kosher wine I've ever had. We are going to hopefully ship some home, but of course we had to buy a bottle to drink while we are here. We also got a bottle of Sauvignon BLanc- really good on such a warm Israeli day.
We tried to go to the Tnuva factory, but their tours are all in Hebrew and consist mostly of looking at the machine that puts the plastic over the cheese-- it'd be like visiting the Kraft factory in the States. When they found out we didn't speak Hebrew, they pretty much dissuaded us from going in. Oh well-- we just found a local Supersol and bought a few kinds of Tnuva to taste on our own.
Back at the tzimmer resting, before we go to Decks for dinner tonight. I can't wait to share my favorite restaurant with Patch. I hope he enjoys it as nuch as I do!
Pictures hopefully later tonight--
BD
Yesterday we drove up to Yavne'el, in the north, near Tiberias. My rebbitzen's parents have a place here that has three rental apartments, called tzimmers in Hebrew. We're staying in a lovely one-bedroom that has a great kitchenette, nice bathroom, a sitting room, besides the jacuzzi in the bedroom. We had a drink up on their patio with a stunning view of the Galilee and then had a wonderful dinner with them. It was so unbelievably relaxing, which I really needed after all the go-go-go of the JWRP trip.
This morning I woke up early and had breakfast with Chana before Patch woke up- I was actually in the middle of making challah when he walked in. I am so happy I had a chance to make challah this week. Coming up soon I will blog more about why- but I don't have time right now to explain.
Today we went to the Kfar Tavor winery- honestly, their 2009 Shiraz is the best kosher wine I've ever had. We are going to hopefully ship some home, but of course we had to buy a bottle to drink while we are here. We also got a bottle of Sauvignon BLanc- really good on such a warm Israeli day.
We tried to go to the Tnuva factory, but their tours are all in Hebrew and consist mostly of looking at the machine that puts the plastic over the cheese-- it'd be like visiting the Kraft factory in the States. When they found out we didn't speak Hebrew, they pretty much dissuaded us from going in. Oh well-- we just found a local Supersol and bought a few kinds of Tnuva to taste on our own.
Back at the tzimmer resting, before we go to Decks for dinner tonight. I can't wait to share my favorite restaurant with Patch. I hope he enjoys it as nuch as I do!
Pictures hopefully later tonight--
BD
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wonderful Shabbat
I haven't posted for a couple of days- first, because I spent so much time setting up my photo album on Facebook, and then because it was Shabbat. I kept Shabbat here, and it was beautiful. For those who don't know, we abstain from creating (it may also be thought of as "work" but it's easier for me to remember this way, since as someone said, 'We can move around every piece of furniture in our home, but we can't strike a match, and which one is more work?') on Shabbat to remember that there is a Creator, and as Rabbi Marcus taught us today, to "thin the mask" between us and Him. This is a great concept. For six days G-d created the world, which serves as a mask between us and Him. He does that so that we have the free will to choose to have a relationship with Him. If He didn't, if he revealed Himself to us, then we'd be so overwhelmed with the pleasure of His company, we'd try to attach ourselves to Him and never let go-- but that's not free will. So for six days G-d created, and the seventh day, G-d rested. Rested from creating the mask, so on Shabbat, the mask thins. Every thing we do to keep Shabbat thins the mask and allows us to connect to Him. Every thing we do that doesn't keep Shabbat thickens the mask and makes that connection more difficult. Awesome class.
I was blessed to spend Shabbat in the Old City of Jerusalem. When you're not carrying anything you can almost imagine yourself living there, just running around the corner to your neighbor's house- and I've walked the same streets enough times to almost know my way! I just think for Shabbat it's the most magical place on earth. I guess it's not magical, because magic isn't real.... it's just very, very special. Holy. Praying at the Kotel, seeing every style of Jew come to welcome the Sabbath- even a group of secular Israeli teens shared their song book with T and I and we sang songs with them for a while. We don't speak Hebrew, they didn't speak English, but we were all Jews and that was the only language needed.
I hope I merit to spend another Shabbat in the Old City someday soon. We could all use a little more holiness in our lives.
BD
I was blessed to spend Shabbat in the Old City of Jerusalem. When you're not carrying anything you can almost imagine yourself living there, just running around the corner to your neighbor's house- and I've walked the same streets enough times to almost know my way! I just think for Shabbat it's the most magical place on earth. I guess it's not magical, because magic isn't real.... it's just very, very special. Holy. Praying at the Kotel, seeing every style of Jew come to welcome the Sabbath- even a group of secular Israeli teens shared their song book with T and I and we sang songs with them for a while. We don't speak Hebrew, they didn't speak English, but we were all Jews and that was the only language needed.
I hope I merit to spend another Shabbat in the Old City someday soon. We could all use a little more holiness in our lives.
BD
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